POST 6

How is changing my fearful relationship to food, like trying to dump a crappy boyfriend?

You know its the best thing for you, but it can take hours or even years of contemplating to make the final decision and make a change.  And even though he was no good for you and made you feel crappy about yourself, it was somehow comforting hanging around with him.  Even though you know that you deserve better!

I've had both a crappy relationship with a man, and with food! I know what I'm talking about...

I had a boyfriend at one stage who got pissed off at me while we were driving somewhere.  He was driving the car and pulled over and yelled at me to "get the beep out!"  Did I mention that it was my car?

He did alot worse than that, let me tell you, and I stuck around for the punishment. He actually dumped me in the end after having sex with a girl we knew. I felt really crappy and helpless and hopeless around him. But yet, I was afraid of not having him in my life.  Afraid I'd never find a guy that I liked as much as him.  I know this reads like a badly written soap opera, but it's my truth. I was young and in hindsight, this ex of mine taught me alot about what not to look for in a partner so for that, I thank him.

Speaking in the neighbourhood of crappy relationships, my partnership with food has been just as bad.  I've always been afraid of it, but didn't know if it could be any different.  I've felt helpless and hopeless towards food, feeling as though I have no say in how it effects me and my body, and therefore my life.

I have felt like what I've wanted doesn't matter and that I was at the mercy of food and calories and all that fun stuff.

So I guess what I'm asking myself now is, why stay in this crappy relationship with food?
Why not change it?
So I am.

One day at a time, I am no longer telling myself that food is my enemy.  When I have a scary thought, that I am out of control with eating or that I will never be a comfortable and healthy size that makes me happy, I just push that thought away and replace it with:

I can eat whatever I want whenever I want.  It is safe to trust in food. It is safe to allow my body to do what it wants when it wants.  My body is sacred and I honour it by allowing it to move where and how it wants.