POST 3

I've woken up this morning feeling really strong and happy, despite having eaten an entire large cheese pizza last night.  I was super hungry and enjoyed every bite!

Normally after doing such a 'naughty' thing, I would be stressing out today, trying to figure out how not to eat many calories, or fit time in for a major fat burning excersize session.

I would feel that I've really put my body over the edge with all the grease and dairy and bread, oh my!   But lately, I've been studying anatomy and physiology of the human body and I am really finding a true amazement in what our bodies do for us.  That's not to say that I think it would be a healthy thing to eat a large pizza everyday, but as a 'sometime food', I think its pretty awesome.

So today, in respect for my journey with food freedom, I am savouring a day of being present in my body, feeling sexy as I am, and eating what I feel like, when I feel like.

How am I going to accomplish this, you ask, when for 25 years now, I have been terrified of food and my relationship to it?

I am taking one step at a time.

I am really listening to my thoughts, and recognizing that my food freedom starts in my head and my emotions.

I am realizing that my thoughts effect how I feel and how I feel effects my body and really, my life.
So all I'm doing at this stage is, making sure my thoughts about food and my bodies relationship to it, are positive ones.

I've been saying:
"I am sexy and loveable just as I am now."
"It is safe to trust my bodies wisdom."
"It is safe to enjoy food freedom."
"It is safe to eat what I want, when I want."

This last one is not my original thought but the one that has given me the most permission to enjoy and trust in food freedom.

Back in the 90's, my mum was reading this really great book by Geneen Roth, called "Feeding the Hungry Heart."  I remember reading her words, about "eating what you want, when you want it" and that terrified and made me sad all at the same time.

I remember thinking that she was right. In fact, feeling deep inside me, that she had just given me the key to setting myself free from a fear of food, and fear of my bodies use of food.

But her words made me so sad as well, because I felt even then, how unbalanced and tired my fear of food was making me.

And terrified, because I couldn't conceive of ever being strong enough to give up my fear and look it in the face long enough to try eating what I want, when I want.

It made me really sad, feeling that there was this opportunity to change how I was living and experiencing such a large part of my life, and yet...there was NO WAY I was going to try it!  I was just too scared of what would happen if I let go of the control I had over myself and food. The outcome was just too scary for me. 

I had too much invested in my idea that if I had a slim, hot body, my life would be awesome. I guess there was just too much at stake for me to change my behaviors of restricted food menus and excessive excersizing.

Nowadays, I feel more able to believe that its not the food I eat or the size of my body that is the issue, its the fear I have that is what I need to focus on.