Have I ever told you about my fixation with stealing food and/or money to buy food?
I started stealing 1 kilo bags of brown sugar from my mums kitchen pantry. I would eat this sugar with a spoon, while hiding either under my bed, or in the linen press.
After a little while, mum must have started hiding the sugar somewhere I couldn't find it, so I started stealing the Flinstone multi-vitamins mum was making us kids take each morning. They were kinda sweet and tangy, so I started sneaking the whole container full. Pretty much in one go.
Mum soon changed her mind about giving us the vitamins, and hence, my dealer was no more. I had to get creative. The next time we were visiting my Gramma, I snuck into her pantry and stole jello packets. Once we got back home, I would run out to the bushes along our driveway, and inhale the sweet red jello powder. In one go, of course.
But we weren't over at Gramma's often enough for her to be my supplier, so I had to think outside the box. Mum was pretty strict about not allowing much junk food in the house. Apart from chips on friday nights, there wasn't alot to choose from in the pantry or the fridge. And all I got in my lunchbox each day was a peanut butter sandwhich, an apple and a granola bar.
It was around this time that I started bringing my treasured and most awesome sticker collection to school. I started off small, trading the best of my scratch and sniffs (bubblegum flavour), garfield, smurfs and packman stickers to other kids for their sugary snacks. This went on until I was down to my crappy stickers and the 'my little pony' one that I couldn't bear to part with.
I then expanded my entrepeneur skills to include theft. I began stealing chocolate bars and candy from the other kids lunchboxes. Unfortuneatly I got caught red handed and had to spend a week of lunches standing in front of the office with my nose pressed to the wall. And no lunch!
I can't recall how I discovered it but mum had a stash of money, all coins, in a metal tin, hidden in the den. It was church collection money, as mum was the sunday school teacher at that time. I started stealing a couple coins at first. I used this money to pay the big kids at school, who were able to leave the school grounds at lunch, to buy me candy from the convenience store.
That lasted only a short while, before they got the shits with me always pestering them, and told me to f-off.
I was taking just a few coins each day, waiting to see if mum noticed. But she never did. I started carrying a secret coin purse with me when we would do the groceries. I would spend all my energy trying to figure out a way to sneak away while mum was waiting at the deli for some cold cuts. I would make some excuse and race over to the candy isle, and then over to the cashier to pay. All the while, I was terrified that mum or my brother and sister would see me and the jig would be up. They never did catch me, so I would pay for my goods and stash them inside my underwear until I got home. Then I would eat them while hiding under my bed, or out behind the garage in the field.
I started getting brave, if not greedy, and I was taking dollars at a time now. This went on for ages, even though my sister seemed to grow more suspicious everyday. My sister was noticing that I had money whenever we'd go out. She was suspicious because she got the same allowance as me, so she couldn't understand where all the money was coming from. I started to feel so guilty and scared but I couldn't stop stealing the money or buying the candy. I was a full on addict!
Can you believe, I don't actually recall how my cover got blown? I'll have to ask my sister and mum and I'll let you know.
My point in today's blog is, I have a complicated relationship with food my whole life.
So today is dedicated to the gorgeous, if not resourceful, child that I was, and adult that I now am. I take time to laugh and find humour in the crazy ways I tried to meet my emotional needs with food. I now also honour that I no longer need to do that. Hooray hooray, today is a new day!!!! Life is good!
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