POST 23

I have been feeling a little lost and afraid, worried that my decision to eat what I want, when I want is going to cause me to put weight on...afraid that I will grow so large, none of my awesome clothes will fit.  So large, that I won't be able to go to the public beaches in my bikini without feeling crappy.  So large, that I will lose the confidence and self appreciation I hold so dear.

And then...

I head over to my friend Jenni's house and she hands me a book called, "Women Food and God", by Geneen Roth.  I've read Geneen's work before, as I've mentioned, so I tucked it into my bag without further thought, and proceed to forget all about it.

Cut to a few days later and I'm visiting my fabulous sister-in-law.  She is an author and a book-nut.  And what book do you think she recommends to me? You guessed it, "Women Food and God". 

Now I may be a little slow on the uptake, as I rarely get a joke without it being explained to me, but I certainly take heed when the universe speaks. And she was speaking!  So following two suggestions from loved ones, I began to read this book.

Amazing!!!! Absolutely spot on and awesome!!!

Without going into too much detail, Geneen was able to explain to me, some of my own behaviors and attitudes about food.  Because she has been there herself. 

Geneen talked about the first step towards freeing oneself in regards to food, is to eat what you want, when you want it.  But she went on to say that one must also put an effort info eating only when you are hungry.  Not when you are bored, or scared, or tired.  Eat only when you are hungry. 

Now that was a huge wakeup call for me.  If you've been following my blog, you are familiar with my habits of eating ESPECIALLY when I am tired, bored and scared.  You may recall when I've written about eating 1 kilo bags of brown sugar with a spoon, as a child.  You may recall when I wrote about eating an entire freezers contents of frozen sugary treats, as I kid.  You would know by now, how difficult it is for me to eat only when I am hungry and to stop when I am full.

So to read Geneen's words that "if you eat what you want, when you want it, when you are NOT hungry, you are bingeing", I felt a sense of deep and profound awareness that she was right.

I have written about my own history of following very strict food plans, where I fasted and/or didn't eat much at all. I have also admitted to other times, eating so much at every meal that my tummy hurts and I stop putting food in my mouth only when I feel sick.

I've begun this journey with food freedom, and insisted that I eat what I want, when I want, as a road towards a trust in my body and the food I eat.  I wanted to throw away my ever-changing rule book about what foods were 'allowed' and 'safe'.

But what I have been noticing on this journey, is that I was still eating till I felt sick. I was still eating when I was bored studying for my massage therapy exam, even though I'd already eaten a massive lunch a few minutes earlier.  I'm still eating when I'm exhausted and all I can think of is to go to bed.  Instead, I head to the kitchen and eat.

It seems that in throwing away my rule book, I'd lost sight of a very important guideline for enjoying food freedom: 

Eat as much as I want, when I want, when I am actually HUNGRY.

So peeps, wish me luck in my endevour to devour food only when I am (actually) hungry! Woop Woop!