POST 18

I was just trying to sign into my blog, when lo and behold I stumbled upon another womans blog.  She too, is writing about her journey towards food freedom!!! I was so excited to read her personal accounts of a journey towards food freedom.  Very cool! Check her out on my homepage.

I've had a few busy days and have felt there was not much to write about.  I am still having positive moments of self acceptance and love, when I look in the mirror and feel beautiful and precious.

But at the same time, I am still bouncing back into feelings of fear about my eating habits and what they can do to my body.

Because its bikini season here, all the new designs have landed in stores.  I took about an hour the other day, to once again, try on lots of different designs.  Looking at myself in the mirror has felt really confusing...I see fat and cellulite but I also see beautiful skin and sexy curves.  I am quite bottom heavy at the moment and I find that really hard to look at.

But I believe that if I allow the feelings of dissapointment about my body to be the emotions that I connect to, then I will only be feeding my fear of food further.  So instead, I am focusing on the happy thoughts of  self love and acceptance.

I look healthy and sensual.  I look like I enjoy all that life has to offer.  I look strong and confident.  I look curvy and sexy.  I feel feminin and luschious.  I feel I am nurtering myself as I look in the mirror and feel love.

I've been feeling some truly deep thoughts and emotions about my body, fear, freedom, food, and self love...but they are still too confusing to get out into words.

But one thing I'd like to say is that I believe at this point in time, that there is so much more that affects our body size and shape, than just the food we eat, the calories we consume, and the calories we burn.

I am starting to experiment with the crazy notion that loving my body can actually change its shape.  The idea that loving my body will create a new type of emotion that can allow emotional shifts to occur, which in turn will change habits and effect how my body looks and feels. 

I 'm starting to feel that its not the food or the calories I need worry about, but the fears themselves. And thats what I want to deal with, on my journey with food freedom.