POST 17

Yesterday, it was my boyfriends birthday.  We celebrated by, among other things, eating lots of junkfood, including a yummy birthday cake.

I enjoyed a piece and was stuffed, with no room to spare in my tummy.  Yet there I was, cutting off more cake and wolfing it down.  I ate a couple more pieces until I felt really sick.

It was bedtime and my tummy was now hurting me, being so swollen with too much food.

As I looked down at my sore, swollen tummy, I began to feel really bad about myself.   I started having thoughts like "You are such a weakling.  You always eat to much.  You can never stop when you are ful."

I started feeling like I was spiralling into more bad feelings about myself, so I decided to sit down on the floor, on a cushion cross legged and spend some time tuning itno how I was feeling about myself.

I took a few deep breaths to become centered and then I observed my thoughts and what I was telling myself.  I discovered that I was saying really mean things to myself and putting myself down.

So it was at that moment, I decided to change what I was thinking.  I decided to tell myself that I loved myself, no matter what.  That I loved the parts of me that choose to eat too much, even when I'm already full.   I choose to accept all the parts of me.

I came out of that mini-meditation and self reflection, feeling much better emotionally.

And I reminded myself that I can eat what I want, when I want it, trusting that by giving myself freedom in regards to food I eat, I will eventually find a place of balance. 

But in order to get there, I need to love myself during the journey.  And I need to love all of me, not just the parts that eat healthy food.

So today is Loving Leanna Day! Hip Hip Hooray, I love Leanna today!!!