POST 42

It has been so long since I've posted...I've been feeling really stuck and very confused about all matters concerning my eating habits, excersize and my weight in general.

In the last few weeks, since following the xmas holiday, I found that the ring and watch I wear had grown tight on me and were no longer comfortable to wear.

I found this fact rather depressing and I found myself thinking that it would be a good idea to cut out carbs for a few meals and/or start excersizing so as to lose a little weight. 

But I did neither of those things, and instead I took  myself to the beach for a relaxing walk in the soft, white sand.  I walked and let all my thoughts fly out of my head and sent them way up into the sky. I found peace and comfort in drawing my attention to my barefeet in the sand and the feeling of my calves and thigh muscles being used with each step I took.  At the end of the walk, I dove into the ocean and floated around in joyfullness.

The next morning all I could think of was how great my walk had been the day before and when I could do it again. 

That evening, at sunset, I walked along the beach again.  I felt the same sense of freedom, peace and delight in the moment.

Since then, I've been walking everyday and loving it. 

But part of me is sneaky and right away began plotting how often I would walk and began calculating how many calories that would burn off...which then made me feel guilty about doing it because I refuse to loose weight through EXCESSIVE excersize because I don't want to  mask the results of my eating habits.

If I start losing weight through excessive and repetative excersize, I will have no need to challenge my unhealthy emotional eating habits.

So I was feeling pretty torn about continueing my walks and whether or not it was a good thing for me.  I was worried that I was falling back into a familiar pattern of depending on excersize to justify my eating habits.

But I've happily come to the grand old conclusion that anything I love could not be 'bad' for me and I certainly love my walks!

And I realize that my old habit of engaging in exersize that I found dreadfully boring specifically to burn calories, is very different from doing physical activities simply because I enjoy it.

That is surely feeding my soul!!!!!!!!