Post 43

I have not written in such a very long time.

When last i wrote, I recall feeling stuck in a repetative place...recognizing that I held a deep habit of eating for comfort, relief, avoidance, distraction, boredom and to numb myself from situations and emotions that I didn't want to feel.

I was starting to feel desperate in regards to the weight that I was slowly yet steadily gaining.  I was feeling very tempted by the idea of starting an excersize routine to lose the weight.  And I felt as well, that to do so would be a step towards avoiding the recognition of how I use food. And a step away from moving forward in my food freedom journey.

I then, ended up having a totally unrelated situation in my life that threw me into conflict and fear.  I found that I was so stressed out and afraid, that I could not eat, nor nourish myself with food for 4 days straight.  I found that I carry my fear deep inside my tummy.  This was news to me.

As the weeks passed, this situation came under control, and I was slowly able to eat again.  And I clearly recall, as I felt better, but still was not back to feeling like my normal self, how I wasn't really interested in food, or using it to dull my emotions.

What an odd way to observe such a change in myself at that time.

I got rid of alot of emotional baggage once I came through this experience.  And I feel that along with the emotional baggage, I also dropped off alot of un-needed weight.

I believe that we store so much unresolved emotions in our physical and emotional bodies and I daresay, that I certainly rid myself of alot of heavy emotions during these last few weeks. 

I'm curious to see how this will effect me physically.  At the present, I feel lighter in both spirit and body.