The other day I had the privilege of dancing as a beginner in a belly dancing concert. I felt sexy and tuned into the Goddess energy as I shook and swayed my round, soft belly.
I watched a solo dancer who came on after me.
She was a 'bigger' girl with a luscious, soft, overflowing tummy and hips...and she was POWERFULLY SEXY!
When she danced, the entire auditorium sat mesmerized.
And it made me wonder, does this sexy woman feel sexy out in the 'real world'? Does she feel sexy when she's out shopping? When she's out on a night on the town with friends?
Does the love and appreciation for her body permeate outside of her dancing?
In belly dancing, our rounded bodies are acceptable and preferred to that of a flat, muscular tummy. The roundness shapes the moves and the style of dance we do.
But obviously in western society, this is not wildly accepted as the norm. This girl would probably have to shop in plus size shops and would be challenged to find role models similar to her shape in our fashion magazines.
I couldn't help but ponder all this, as I watched her dance. She was so amazing and confident.
I couldn't help but hope that she is one of those women, who actually do have an inner confidence that permeates her entire life. I would love to believe that she is someone who chooses to love herself exactly as she is, inspiring the rest of us.
So today's blog is for her...
Thank you for reminding me that sexy belays shape, but lives in confidence!
Hip hip hooray, you are beautiful today!!
Friday, November 26, 2010
POST 39
Today I have been thinking about a way to put my journey into food freedom into simpler terms...
I realize that in the past, whilst over-exersizing and dieting to maintain a certain weight, I was focused on being loved by others.
Now that I am no longer adopting those principles, but am enjoying food freedom, I am motivated by Self Love.
Wow. Thats pretty powerful stuff.
Today I am in awe of the power of Love for My Self...its the best kind!
Woop woop hooray, I'm in love with myself today!!!
I realize that in the past, whilst over-exersizing and dieting to maintain a certain weight, I was focused on being loved by others.
Now that I am no longer adopting those principles, but am enjoying food freedom, I am motivated by Self Love.
Wow. Thats pretty powerful stuff.
Today I am in awe of the power of Love for My Self...its the best kind!
Woop woop hooray, I'm in love with myself today!!!
POST 38
Well its been over a week since I've written in this blog.
I have been barrelled over with work and school committments. But although I have wanted to commit to writing on this blog daily, there have been really repetative days, where I feel nothing much has changed as far as my food freedom journey is concerned.
I am still eating what I want when I want. I am still refusing to look at food as something that I have to treat as a threat. I am still refusing to excersize to lose fat.
But I am still eating when I am already full. I am eating when I'm bored and scared and tired. I am eating even when I'm already full because it just tastes so good and I feel it would be a shame to stop.
I went way outside my comfort zone the other night. I drove to an area of Sydney that I've never been before to attend an info night for a school and program I am considering attending in the new year.
During the discussion lead by the schools founder, I found myself reacting with a migraine. I made it through the session, thanked the team leader, and raced to my car to try and make it home to bed before the headache could get any worse.
On the drive home, all I could think about was how awul I felt, and how much I wanted to eat something. I felt that food would be a distraction from my pain.
Food would be a distraction from my pain!!! Doesn't it say it all, right there?
As I drove on, the pain in my head moved into my tummy and I felt as though I were going to vomit. Yet I still craved the comfort of putting some food in my mouth, as a way of feeling better. Finally, I could fight my urge no longer, and I ate some nuts I had in my bag. No sooner did I eat the nuts, then I had to pull over and vomit.
What I learned from this experience is that I crave food as a way to distract myself from my pain. Its almost as though I want to eat despite myself and how I feel. I certainly know that the nuts I ate on the way home made me physically sick because the state I was in, yet my emotions and thoughts were all about eating them to feel better.
There exists a major disconnect in side me and I am prepared to work through it.
Todays blog is dedicated to working through my pain, and coming out the other side all the better for it!!!
Hip hip hooray, I'm courageous today!!!
I have been barrelled over with work and school committments. But although I have wanted to commit to writing on this blog daily, there have been really repetative days, where I feel nothing much has changed as far as my food freedom journey is concerned.
I am still eating what I want when I want. I am still refusing to look at food as something that I have to treat as a threat. I am still refusing to excersize to lose fat.
But I am still eating when I am already full. I am eating when I'm bored and scared and tired. I am eating even when I'm already full because it just tastes so good and I feel it would be a shame to stop.
I went way outside my comfort zone the other night. I drove to an area of Sydney that I've never been before to attend an info night for a school and program I am considering attending in the new year.
During the discussion lead by the schools founder, I found myself reacting with a migraine. I made it through the session, thanked the team leader, and raced to my car to try and make it home to bed before the headache could get any worse.
On the drive home, all I could think about was how awul I felt, and how much I wanted to eat something. I felt that food would be a distraction from my pain.
Food would be a distraction from my pain!!! Doesn't it say it all, right there?
As I drove on, the pain in my head moved into my tummy and I felt as though I were going to vomit. Yet I still craved the comfort of putting some food in my mouth, as a way of feeling better. Finally, I could fight my urge no longer, and I ate some nuts I had in my bag. No sooner did I eat the nuts, then I had to pull over and vomit.
What I learned from this experience is that I crave food as a way to distract myself from my pain. Its almost as though I want to eat despite myself and how I feel. I certainly know that the nuts I ate on the way home made me physically sick because the state I was in, yet my emotions and thoughts were all about eating them to feel better.
There exists a major disconnect in side me and I am prepared to work through it.
Todays blog is dedicated to working through my pain, and coming out the other side all the better for it!!!
Hip hip hooray, I'm courageous today!!!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
POST 37
Today I feel incredibly tired from being really busy with work and school and social commitments.
I also feel really thankful that I'm not adding to my stress levels by feeling that I must fit in some major exercising as well...
In the past years, I would make sure that I was exercising for at least an hour daily or a few times a week, to burn calories and stay slim. I would usually drag my tired butt off to the gym to sweat all over a cardio machine. Sure I felt great once I was doing it, but I was bored, bored, bored.
I was making myself go because I believed that only burning off major calories would allow me to stay slim and trim.
So I would 'workout' for a few months until I got so burnt out from all the energy I was investing in the exercising, I would stop, cold turkey and take a break from it all. I would then make up for lost time by sitting on the couch, watching DVD's and eating chips...one of my favourite past times without a doubt.
What I was finding was that I was in a real roller coaster ride...training and exercising really diligently than getting so exhausted, I needed a break. And subsequently, my weight would follow suit...staying down while exercising but ballooning out when I took a break.
Nowadays, since starting this blog, I am not forcing myself to exercise unless it is something that I find fun, or I need to do for my health. I am taking weekly belly dancing lessons which I love and look forward to and they have the added bonus of stretching out tight muscles, getting my heart rate up and creating greater flexibility and strength in my body. I also feel sexy doing it which is an awesome plus!
For health, I walk in nature to clear my head, get regular weekly massages and follow a stretching plan which I've put together to address some postural weaknesses and tight muscles I have. I find the stretching boring and sometimes hard work, but I need to do it for health reasons so I do.
Apart from that, my time is my own.
So today, I feel especially grateful for having the free time and self appreciation that a focus on food freedom has brought me, as opposed to feeling afraid that if I don't exercise today, all hell will break loose....
And in my experience, it doesn't...
I have yet to increase in size, but my life is certainly increasing in happiness and joy!
woop woop!
hip hip hooray, today's a great day!
I also feel really thankful that I'm not adding to my stress levels by feeling that I must fit in some major exercising as well...
In the past years, I would make sure that I was exercising for at least an hour daily or a few times a week, to burn calories and stay slim. I would usually drag my tired butt off to the gym to sweat all over a cardio machine. Sure I felt great once I was doing it, but I was bored, bored, bored.
I was making myself go because I believed that only burning off major calories would allow me to stay slim and trim.
So I would 'workout' for a few months until I got so burnt out from all the energy I was investing in the exercising, I would stop, cold turkey and take a break from it all. I would then make up for lost time by sitting on the couch, watching DVD's and eating chips...one of my favourite past times without a doubt.
What I was finding was that I was in a real roller coaster ride...training and exercising really diligently than getting so exhausted, I needed a break. And subsequently, my weight would follow suit...staying down while exercising but ballooning out when I took a break.
Nowadays, since starting this blog, I am not forcing myself to exercise unless it is something that I find fun, or I need to do for my health. I am taking weekly belly dancing lessons which I love and look forward to and they have the added bonus of stretching out tight muscles, getting my heart rate up and creating greater flexibility and strength in my body. I also feel sexy doing it which is an awesome plus!
For health, I walk in nature to clear my head, get regular weekly massages and follow a stretching plan which I've put together to address some postural weaknesses and tight muscles I have. I find the stretching boring and sometimes hard work, but I need to do it for health reasons so I do.
Apart from that, my time is my own.
So today, I feel especially grateful for having the free time and self appreciation that a focus on food freedom has brought me, as opposed to feeling afraid that if I don't exercise today, all hell will break loose....
And in my experience, it doesn't...
I have yet to increase in size, but my life is certainly increasing in happiness and joy!
woop woop!
hip hip hooray, today's a great day!
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
POST 36
I recall a few years ago when a friend of mine had me thinking about the power of healthy eating, not just on our bodies, but on our emotions as well.
His name was Garrett. We were hanging out as his girlfriend Melanie, is a good friend of mine.
Garrett was really cool and I liked him straight away because he was funny and genuine and was quite extroverted. We enjoyed some deep and meaningful conversations about life in general.
Garrett had Turrets Syndrome and one of the ways that he discovered he was able to keep it under control, was by eating raw, healthy foods.
When he ate healthy, his symptons were minimized and he also found that his emotions were much more postitive and balanced. He told me that when he would eat any junkfood, his Turrets would rear up and his emotions would drop into a funk as well.
I remember being really effected by this idea, as I had never really thought that the crappy, processed food I ate at times, could effect my emotional state.
After that, I started experimenting. The results for me were that when I consume alot of chocolate and or processed candy or sweets, I do experience a drop in my positive emotional state. After eating alot of sugar, I tend to feel a bit down and depressed. I also feel that way after drinking soda pop/soft drink.
When I eat chips and savoury junkfood, I don't get the same drop in my emotions as I do with sugar. This never ceases to interest me. I even find that if I eat sugar just before bed, I have nightmares.
I've asked other people if they react the same, but it seems everyone is a little different although quite a few people do seem to get a drop in the emotions from excess sugar.
Just food for thought....
His name was Garrett. We were hanging out as his girlfriend Melanie, is a good friend of mine.
Garrett was really cool and I liked him straight away because he was funny and genuine and was quite extroverted. We enjoyed some deep and meaningful conversations about life in general.
Garrett had Turrets Syndrome and one of the ways that he discovered he was able to keep it under control, was by eating raw, healthy foods.
When he ate healthy, his symptons were minimized and he also found that his emotions were much more postitive and balanced. He told me that when he would eat any junkfood, his Turrets would rear up and his emotions would drop into a funk as well.
I remember being really effected by this idea, as I had never really thought that the crappy, processed food I ate at times, could effect my emotional state.
After that, I started experimenting. The results for me were that when I consume alot of chocolate and or processed candy or sweets, I do experience a drop in my positive emotional state. After eating alot of sugar, I tend to feel a bit down and depressed. I also feel that way after drinking soda pop/soft drink.
When I eat chips and savoury junkfood, I don't get the same drop in my emotions as I do with sugar. This never ceases to interest me. I even find that if I eat sugar just before bed, I have nightmares.
I've asked other people if they react the same, but it seems everyone is a little different although quite a few people do seem to get a drop in the emotions from excess sugar.
Just food for thought....
POST 35
I feel like I'm running out of things to talk about within my food freedom journey.
I feel as though it has, at the moment, become really repetitious for me.
This is where i'm at:
I am still surprised to find that my weight isn't really fluctuating, but nor am I getting any slimmer by eating what I want, when I want and not excersizing.
I am still choosing to focus on my physical health versus my physical size.
I still can't fit into any of my jeans.
I still have cellulite.
I feel blessed to having somewhat silence the voice in my head that was telling me I "had to go to the gym or take a long run" everyday.
I feel blessed to have so much more time to spend laying in the sun, or reading a book, or stretching on the beach .
I feel like I'm adjusting to this journey, with less fear than in the first few weeks, and thats a relief!
Looking forward to creating even healthier habits on this journey while enjoying food freedom!
I feel as though it has, at the moment, become really repetitious for me.
This is where i'm at:
I am still surprised to find that my weight isn't really fluctuating, but nor am I getting any slimmer by eating what I want, when I want and not excersizing.
I am still choosing to focus on my physical health versus my physical size.
I still can't fit into any of my jeans.
I still have cellulite.
I feel blessed to having somewhat silence the voice in my head that was telling me I "had to go to the gym or take a long run" everyday.
I feel blessed to have so much more time to spend laying in the sun, or reading a book, or stretching on the beach .
I feel like I'm adjusting to this journey, with less fear than in the first few weeks, and thats a relief!
Looking forward to creating even healthier habits on this journey while enjoying food freedom!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
POST 34
Today on my journey of food freedom, away from a fear of food and what it can do to my body, I don't really have anything specific to write.
Things seem to be pretty steady for me right now. I'm having moments where I stop eating when I am full, and I continue to eat what I want, when I want it without guilt.
I also still manage to keep eating when I am full too. Like the other night, my friend Deedra was visiting from Canada, so all day I didn't really think about food much beacause I was having so much fun with her. But then we settled in to watch a movie and munch on some junk food.
Deedra fell asleep with a case of jetlag, and I ate my own bowl of chips and then hers too. I was certainly not hungry when I ate her bowl, but I felt at the time, "that I couldnt stop". Why was this the case?
I ate so much beyond feeling full, that I then felt sick!
What emotions was I trying to avoid, I wonder?
I think I was feeling anxious about having a friend in my house, that I hadn't seen in years. Anxious that she wouldn't find my house, or me, up to scratch.
And although I know instinctively that my friend Deedra is not like that at all, I couldn't help but be afraid of criticism anyway.
I felt unsettled for that first day, wanting to have 'everything perfect'...
Funny how my habits of overeating often have nothing to do with the food, and everything to do with my emotions...
So todays blog is dedicated to releasing my need to please and/or be perfect!!!!
And to trust that I'm ok just as I am.
It is safe to be me!
Hip Hip Hooray, its safe to be ME today!!!!!!
Things seem to be pretty steady for me right now. I'm having moments where I stop eating when I am full, and I continue to eat what I want, when I want it without guilt.
I also still manage to keep eating when I am full too. Like the other night, my friend Deedra was visiting from Canada, so all day I didn't really think about food much beacause I was having so much fun with her. But then we settled in to watch a movie and munch on some junk food.
Deedra fell asleep with a case of jetlag, and I ate my own bowl of chips and then hers too. I was certainly not hungry when I ate her bowl, but I felt at the time, "that I couldnt stop". Why was this the case?
I ate so much beyond feeling full, that I then felt sick!
What emotions was I trying to avoid, I wonder?
I think I was feeling anxious about having a friend in my house, that I hadn't seen in years. Anxious that she wouldn't find my house, or me, up to scratch.
And although I know instinctively that my friend Deedra is not like that at all, I couldn't help but be afraid of criticism anyway.
I felt unsettled for that first day, wanting to have 'everything perfect'...
Funny how my habits of overeating often have nothing to do with the food, and everything to do with my emotions...
So todays blog is dedicated to releasing my need to please and/or be perfect!!!!
And to trust that I'm ok just as I am.
It is safe to be me!
Hip Hip Hooray, its safe to be ME today!!!!!!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
POST 33
I had an a-huh moment, the other day...
Lately I've been wearing short tops that show off my belly. Not so interesting in itself until it dawned on me that even though I'm currently wearing size 12 clothing, I feel really good in my body and feel proud to show off my size. Yet, just a few months ago, when I was a size 10 with a much smaller body and a trimmed tummy, I didn't feel 'good enough' to show it off...
I was still thinking in terms of how I 'should look' and comparing myself to models in the mags and to other women and girls I would see.
Now I'm not doing that, I'm just loving Me!!!
That really makes me think that its truly not my size that counts, but my attitude that really makes a difference!!!!!
a-huhhhhh.....
Lately I've been wearing short tops that show off my belly. Not so interesting in itself until it dawned on me that even though I'm currently wearing size 12 clothing, I feel really good in my body and feel proud to show off my size. Yet, just a few months ago, when I was a size 10 with a much smaller body and a trimmed tummy, I didn't feel 'good enough' to show it off...
I was still thinking in terms of how I 'should look' and comparing myself to models in the mags and to other women and girls I would see.
Now I'm not doing that, I'm just loving Me!!!
That really makes me think that its truly not my size that counts, but my attitude that really makes a difference!!!!!
a-huhhhhh.....
Saturday, November 6, 2010
POST 32
Today I went to see a sports masseuse.
He was shocked at how tight all my muscles were and I was shocked at how much it hurt to have him work on me.
It really hit home for me, the impact all the years and hours of running and lifting weights and over excersizing, have had on my body.
I realize now the importance of taking this time out to really get to know where my body is at and what it needs to be healthy.
Certainly a balance lifestyle is part of the key to health. But its finding that balance is what I struggle with.
In the past, my focus on excersizing was to lose weight, and firm up.
To do that, I would run for hours on hard pavement and uneven ground. I would run on hot summer afternoons and freezing cold winter mornings in the snow. I would work out with weights, for hours a day. I could, at one stage, squat more than alot of the guys at my local gym.
I was really proud of that, and proud that I was making my muscles bigger, and tighter. And proud that my body was slim and trim.
I rarely stretched nor did I balance out those excersizes with yoga or any relax classes.
Now years later, I'm noticing things about my body that are a possible result of that excersize regimen:
I have a shortened left leg; I have an anterior tilt which means in plain terms, my spine tilts forward; I have tight calves, thighs and glutes and I experience back pain every so often. When I try to stretch or do yoga, I struggle to hold a posture because my muscles are so tight!
And to think that my physical issues today are related to a motivation to lose weight and be thin.
Nowadays, my focus is on loving myself and giving myself what I need to be healthy and happy.
Obviously, excersize is a part of that healthy lifestyle, but I am now choosing participation in experiences that I enjoy and feel good to my body.
I now choose excersize, not based on how many calories they burn, but on how fun they are to do!
So today's blog is dedicated to finding out how to enjoy our bodies and to be motivated by love for them, not what we want to change about them!
I'm sure with that in mind, I'm off to a good start in getting my body into a healthy place.
He was shocked at how tight all my muscles were and I was shocked at how much it hurt to have him work on me.
It really hit home for me, the impact all the years and hours of running and lifting weights and over excersizing, have had on my body.
I realize now the importance of taking this time out to really get to know where my body is at and what it needs to be healthy.
Certainly a balance lifestyle is part of the key to health. But its finding that balance is what I struggle with.
In the past, my focus on excersizing was to lose weight, and firm up.
To do that, I would run for hours on hard pavement and uneven ground. I would run on hot summer afternoons and freezing cold winter mornings in the snow. I would work out with weights, for hours a day. I could, at one stage, squat more than alot of the guys at my local gym.
I was really proud of that, and proud that I was making my muscles bigger, and tighter. And proud that my body was slim and trim.
I rarely stretched nor did I balance out those excersizes with yoga or any relax classes.
Now years later, I'm noticing things about my body that are a possible result of that excersize regimen:
I have a shortened left leg; I have an anterior tilt which means in plain terms, my spine tilts forward; I have tight calves, thighs and glutes and I experience back pain every so often. When I try to stretch or do yoga, I struggle to hold a posture because my muscles are so tight!
And to think that my physical issues today are related to a motivation to lose weight and be thin.
Nowadays, my focus is on loving myself and giving myself what I need to be healthy and happy.
Obviously, excersize is a part of that healthy lifestyle, but I am now choosing participation in experiences that I enjoy and feel good to my body.
I now choose excersize, not based on how many calories they burn, but on how fun they are to do!
So today's blog is dedicated to finding out how to enjoy our bodies and to be motivated by love for them, not what we want to change about them!
I'm sure with that in mind, I'm off to a good start in getting my body into a healthy place.
POST 31
I've been thinking about the psychology behind my motivation for writing this blog.
I am aknowledging that I am no longer running away from "the fat man"....the man inside my head that warns me to stay two steps ahead of him because if he catches me, he'll turn me into a ball of fat.
For years, I literally ran kilometres a day, trying to outrun the 'man'.
But it became so gosh darn tiring, running from this man....running from a part of myself in fact.
And it didn't work trying to stay one step ahead, because eventually I grew weary and needed to take a rest.
And then I stopped running, just for a moment.
But when I stopped running, I got so consumed with fear about the fat man catching up to me, and what would happen to my life, if he did? I became horrified with the thought of becoming unlovable and unacceptable...and unworthy of love. And I believed that going up a size in my clothes was an unloveable thing for me to do.
Who will love me if I'm fat, I wonder? And how will I love myself, if no one loves me?
And I know the emotion of feeling unlovable, and I know how bad it is. How awful you feel when there is something about you that you feel is bad or stupid or just plain wrong...
You feel helpless and vulnerable, and sad, and alone.
So of course, it makes sense that I run to avoid feeling these feelings again. And I'm wise to want to avoid that pain.
But it's wrong to believe that running a million miles from my fears of being unlovable will make them go away.
And its courageous to turn instead, and face my fears. It's a move based on faith and self love, that I decide to stop running and choose to stand my ground and address my fear.
And when I do face my fears, they tend to after time, fade a little. And in the place where they once lived, a stronger thought rings true...
That I am no longer a little girl who needs to be scared of something as trivial as a buddha belly, or a cottage cheese thigh...
I am all that, and much much more!
I embrace fat.
I embrace imperfections.
I embrace my health.
I embrace my lazy days and freedom to spend it anywhere other than the gym.
I embrace this wise woman inside me, who reminds me that I'm an adult now and I can CHOOSE to love all of me. I can choose to believe and act on the belief, that all of me is loveable and acceptable.
I am aknowledging that I am no longer running away from "the fat man"....the man inside my head that warns me to stay two steps ahead of him because if he catches me, he'll turn me into a ball of fat.
For years, I literally ran kilometres a day, trying to outrun the 'man'.
But it became so gosh darn tiring, running from this man....running from a part of myself in fact.
And it didn't work trying to stay one step ahead, because eventually I grew weary and needed to take a rest.
And then I stopped running, just for a moment.
But when I stopped running, I got so consumed with fear about the fat man catching up to me, and what would happen to my life, if he did? I became horrified with the thought of becoming unlovable and unacceptable...and unworthy of love. And I believed that going up a size in my clothes was an unloveable thing for me to do.
Who will love me if I'm fat, I wonder? And how will I love myself, if no one loves me?
And I know the emotion of feeling unlovable, and I know how bad it is. How awful you feel when there is something about you that you feel is bad or stupid or just plain wrong...
You feel helpless and vulnerable, and sad, and alone.
So of course, it makes sense that I run to avoid feeling these feelings again. And I'm wise to want to avoid that pain.
But it's wrong to believe that running a million miles from my fears of being unlovable will make them go away.
And its courageous to turn instead, and face my fears. It's a move based on faith and self love, that I decide to stop running and choose to stand my ground and address my fear.
And when I do face my fears, they tend to after time, fade a little. And in the place where they once lived, a stronger thought rings true...
That I am no longer a little girl who needs to be scared of something as trivial as a buddha belly, or a cottage cheese thigh...
I am all that, and much much more!
I embrace fat.
I embrace imperfections.
I embrace my health.
I embrace my lazy days and freedom to spend it anywhere other than the gym.
I embrace this wise woman inside me, who reminds me that I'm an adult now and I can CHOOSE to love all of me. I can choose to believe and act on the belief, that all of me is loveable and acceptable.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
POST 30
Today I've been thinking about how I, and many other people, eat for taste not hunger.
It makes sense to me, that I have such a hard time only eating enough food to feel full, when the food I'm eating tastes so darn good!
Why eat a bowl of salt and vinegar chips, when I can eat an entire bag?
Mouth ulcers...thats why...my bodies way of subtly informing me that I've eaten enough for one day.
Funny how my body tells me when I've had enough, whether it be hives from eating handfulls of almonds even though their something I'm allergic to. Or jelly-belly sickness in Mexico from eating a jello I bought off a boy on an 18 hour busride...some things don't agree with me...and my body knows!
So why is it so darn tough to listen to this body of mine, when she tells me to stop eating when I am full? Or to not eat something in the first place when I know it makes me feel crappy...icecream, I'm talking to you here...
I think part of the problem is that food tastes so darn yummy! The other day, I felt full, but I kept eating a yummy breaky I threw together. I asked myself why I still wanted to eat, and I answered,"because it tastes so good!"
Wrong answer! If i'm eating when I'm full because something tastes good, I am not honouring my body. But when food tastes this good, its hard to put my body first! I want to put my taste buds first! I want yumminess and sweetness, and saltiness and- can't stop I'm eating fabulousness...Why eat half a bag of chips when I can eat the whole darn bag?
Mouth ulcers...that's why...my bodies way of telling me I've had enough for one day.
So todays post is in recognition that sometimes a lesson learned may be a long time coming...and old habits die hard, especially while there are still chocolates and chips on a shelf at a grocery store.
Here's to learning to how to eat for hunger, not taste. Wish me luck! So far I need it!
It makes sense to me, that I have such a hard time only eating enough food to feel full, when the food I'm eating tastes so darn good!
Why eat a bowl of salt and vinegar chips, when I can eat an entire bag?
Mouth ulcers...thats why...my bodies way of subtly informing me that I've eaten enough for one day.
Funny how my body tells me when I've had enough, whether it be hives from eating handfulls of almonds even though their something I'm allergic to. Or jelly-belly sickness in Mexico from eating a jello I bought off a boy on an 18 hour busride...some things don't agree with me...and my body knows!
So why is it so darn tough to listen to this body of mine, when she tells me to stop eating when I am full? Or to not eat something in the first place when I know it makes me feel crappy...icecream, I'm talking to you here...
I think part of the problem is that food tastes so darn yummy! The other day, I felt full, but I kept eating a yummy breaky I threw together. I asked myself why I still wanted to eat, and I answered,"because it tastes so good!"
Wrong answer! If i'm eating when I'm full because something tastes good, I am not honouring my body. But when food tastes this good, its hard to put my body first! I want to put my taste buds first! I want yumminess and sweetness, and saltiness and- can't stop I'm eating fabulousness...Why eat half a bag of chips when I can eat the whole darn bag?
Mouth ulcers...that's why...my bodies way of telling me I've had enough for one day.
So todays post is in recognition that sometimes a lesson learned may be a long time coming...and old habits die hard, especially while there are still chocolates and chips on a shelf at a grocery store.
Here's to learning to how to eat for hunger, not taste. Wish me luck! So far I need it!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
POST 29
The other day, I wrote in an entry, how I felt time really assists one in adjusting to changes in ones life.
When I first decided to stop excersizing specifically to lose weight and chose to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted eat, as opposed to being on an eating 'plan' to stay slim and trim....I was terrified that I was going to end up obese. I was truly worried for my health and well being at that time.
In the beginning of this journey about a month ago, I imagined that there was no way in hell I wasn't going to get bigger and bigger in size the longer I chose to eat what I want, when I wanted it.
But today it donned on me, that even though I've thrown all eating plans out the window and am not excersizing (to lose weight) apart from some dance classes, a little walking and some relaxation yoga...I haven't become huge.
Sure, I've got a budda belly and some thigh fat...but gosh, I feel good. I feel fit and healthy and am able to do anything physical I feel like. Now that is living!!!!
And it seems that time, as it passes, helps me adjust to this new way of thinking. Time is helping me relax and encourages me not to worry about tomorrow, but focus on enjoying today.
Thinking about time got me thinking about a little story...
Growing up in my house, we always had a scale in the bathroom. Mum was pretty consistant with using it. I never had a relationship with it until I hit highschool, or when I hit puberty at about 12.
That was about the time I started worrying that maybe I wasn't the 'right size'. I started wondering if I looked the way I was supposed to. Did I look normal? Was I ok? All of these questions started running through my head.
I started weighing myself, thinking that was a way I could gage if my size was acceptable. It was around that time that interestingly enough, I started collecting fashion magazines like Vogue and my favourite, Elle.
As the years passed, I continued to use my mums scale.
I distinctly remember always feeling bad about myself after I got off it. I never felt small enough to accept myself as beautiful...
I started to dread the idea of any guy picking me up while horsing around...afraid he'd find out how huge and heavy I was...I was terrified that he'd discover my secret and wouldn't like me anymore...and I was convinced that if a guy found out how heavy I was, he would tell the entire school and I would be so ashamed that I was so 'unfeminine'.
Years went by, and I was now into my 20s. It was around this time that I remember weighing myself and the number was really low...surprisingly low...but instead of feeling good about weighing so little, I convinced myself that the scale was out and the number was wrong.
It was at that moment, that I began observing my thoughts and thinking how crazy was I to let these numbers on a metal contraption determine how I was going to feel about myself.
I was so used to feeling bad about myself, even a positive number on the scale didn't lift my mood. I still chose to feel bad. I still chose to feel unacceptable to myself.
I decided then and there to quit the scales and to no longer weigh myself.
It's been about 13 years now and I have no idea how much I weigh because I have never again looked at my weight on a scale. If I have been weighed at the doctors, I ask that they don't tell me the amount, and I look away as I'm weighed.
This small step towards freedom has taken TIME...in the early years of my withdrawal, I was so often tempted to take a quick peek...I would tell myself, just have a quick look to see if you're ok. "You're looking really slim and you hardly have any cellulite so weigh yourself, and you'll get to feel proud of how slim you are."
But I never fell for it...and over time, the need turned into desire,and finally the desire too, slipped away.
Now when women talk about how much they weigh with sadness, I can't relate to that self judgement because I really have no idea. And I feel lucky to be away from that feeling because I know it doesn't feel nice.
And time helped me sort that one out...so today's entry is dedicated to all of us who want to find new ways of loving ourselves and enjoying the freedom it brings...
And to time, for giving us the helping hand we sometimes need.
Hip hip hooray, it gets easier each day!
When I first decided to stop excersizing specifically to lose weight and chose to eat whatever I wanted when I wanted eat, as opposed to being on an eating 'plan' to stay slim and trim....I was terrified that I was going to end up obese. I was truly worried for my health and well being at that time.
In the beginning of this journey about a month ago, I imagined that there was no way in hell I wasn't going to get bigger and bigger in size the longer I chose to eat what I want, when I wanted it.
But today it donned on me, that even though I've thrown all eating plans out the window and am not excersizing (to lose weight) apart from some dance classes, a little walking and some relaxation yoga...I haven't become huge.
Sure, I've got a budda belly and some thigh fat...but gosh, I feel good. I feel fit and healthy and am able to do anything physical I feel like. Now that is living!!!!
And it seems that time, as it passes, helps me adjust to this new way of thinking. Time is helping me relax and encourages me not to worry about tomorrow, but focus on enjoying today.
Thinking about time got me thinking about a little story...
Growing up in my house, we always had a scale in the bathroom. Mum was pretty consistant with using it. I never had a relationship with it until I hit highschool, or when I hit puberty at about 12.
That was about the time I started worrying that maybe I wasn't the 'right size'. I started wondering if I looked the way I was supposed to. Did I look normal? Was I ok? All of these questions started running through my head.
I started weighing myself, thinking that was a way I could gage if my size was acceptable. It was around that time that interestingly enough, I started collecting fashion magazines like Vogue and my favourite, Elle.
As the years passed, I continued to use my mums scale.
I distinctly remember always feeling bad about myself after I got off it. I never felt small enough to accept myself as beautiful...
I started to dread the idea of any guy picking me up while horsing around...afraid he'd find out how huge and heavy I was...I was terrified that he'd discover my secret and wouldn't like me anymore...and I was convinced that if a guy found out how heavy I was, he would tell the entire school and I would be so ashamed that I was so 'unfeminine'.
Years went by, and I was now into my 20s. It was around this time that I remember weighing myself and the number was really low...surprisingly low...but instead of feeling good about weighing so little, I convinced myself that the scale was out and the number was wrong.
It was at that moment, that I began observing my thoughts and thinking how crazy was I to let these numbers on a metal contraption determine how I was going to feel about myself.
I was so used to feeling bad about myself, even a positive number on the scale didn't lift my mood. I still chose to feel bad. I still chose to feel unacceptable to myself.
I decided then and there to quit the scales and to no longer weigh myself.
It's been about 13 years now and I have no idea how much I weigh because I have never again looked at my weight on a scale. If I have been weighed at the doctors, I ask that they don't tell me the amount, and I look away as I'm weighed.
This small step towards freedom has taken TIME...in the early years of my withdrawal, I was so often tempted to take a quick peek...I would tell myself, just have a quick look to see if you're ok. "You're looking really slim and you hardly have any cellulite so weigh yourself, and you'll get to feel proud of how slim you are."
But I never fell for it...and over time, the need turned into desire,and finally the desire too, slipped away.
Now when women talk about how much they weigh with sadness, I can't relate to that self judgement because I really have no idea. And I feel lucky to be away from that feeling because I know it doesn't feel nice.
And time helped me sort that one out...so today's entry is dedicated to all of us who want to find new ways of loving ourselves and enjoying the freedom it brings...
And to time, for giving us the helping hand we sometimes need.
Hip hip hooray, it gets easier each day!
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