POST 38

Well its been over a week since I've written in this blog. 

I have been barrelled over with work and school committments.  But although I have wanted to commit to writing on this blog daily, there have been really repetative days, where I feel nothing much has changed as far as my food freedom journey is concerned.

I am still eating what I want when I want. I am still refusing to look at food as something that I have to treat as a threat.  I am still refusing to excersize to lose fat.

But I am still eating when I am already full.  I am eating when I'm bored and scared and tired.  I am eating even when I'm already full because it just tastes so good and I feel it would be a shame to stop.

I went way outside my comfort zone the other night.  I drove to an area of Sydney that I've never been before to attend an info night for a school and program I am considering attending in the new year.

During the discussion lead by the schools founder, I found myself reacting with a migraine.  I made it through the session, thanked the team leader, and raced to my car to try and make it home to bed before the headache could get any worse.

On the drive home, all I could think about was how awul I felt, and how much I wanted to eat something.  I felt that food would be a distraction from my pain.
Food would be a distraction from my pain!!! Doesn't it say it all, right there?

As I drove on, the pain in my head moved into my tummy and I felt as though I were going to vomit.  Yet I still craved the comfort of putting some food in my mouth, as a way of feeling better.  Finally, I could fight my urge no longer, and I ate some nuts I had in my bag.  No sooner did I eat the nuts, then I had to pull over and vomit.

What I learned from this experience is that I crave food as a way to distract myself from my pain.  Its almost as though I want to eat despite myself and how I feel.  I certainly know that the nuts I ate on the way home made me physically sick because the state I was in, yet my emotions and thoughts were all about eating them to feel better.

There exists a major disconnect in side me and I am prepared to work through it.

Todays blog is dedicated to working through my pain, and coming out the other side all the better for it!!!

Hip hip hooray, I'm courageous today!!!